An individual is the accumulation of experiences experienced since childhood. Each experience lived, felt shapes up one’s attitude, thought and outlook towards life. I will not go deep into ‘nature vs nuture theory’. Undoubtedly, nature does play a crucial role, it gives us the blueprint to determine one’s temperament. However, what one makes out of it depends a lot on one’s interaction with the environment.
As adults we are formed by the experiences through childhood. They move along with us in our actions and beliefs. However, we always have a scope to mould them to become a happier me. Though this change does not come in easy. It requires a lot of introspection and reflection. Only when one is AWARE and OPEN TO ACCEPTANCE of oneself as a mixed bag of beans will the change come in. Moving back to the topic, during our interaction with people from different fields we generally come across two kinds of people. One who critiques everything they encounter. They would just not be happy with the green grass their side. Do not be harsh with them, they might have seen life through that lens all through their lives. The second category is of the ones who might hide their true feelings and mask them under to suit the world. They might smile to be a part of the group however they might not be happy with things around. This is one of the major IMAGE CRISES faced by a teenager. Wherein they are still in a journey to find that ‘I’ and might have those odd days.
Knowing and understanding this, what should we do? What should I do as a parent to not let my child belong to either of the two categories? Instead belong to a third category wherein he or she sees life as a way to live , welcoming all odds happily. How can I be THAT ONE person in my child’s life who builds in resilience to take on the world with all its difficulties? How can I build a palace of compassion than worldly possessions?
If you want to be that ONE then reading on might help.
TRUST YOUR CHILD
A parent is the face of the world for a child. He encounters the world through a parent’s eyes. A child’s way of thinking is so dominated by the parents and the parenting style. Thus, it is imperative that the parent exhibits TRUST in the child’s abilities and trust them for doing right!
TELL HIM OT HER
As parents you will love your child but how will he or she know until you say it to them. Always keep the doors of clear communication of emotions open with your child. Share with them what you feel. No harm in sharing your disappointment even. Your child will completely respect what you feel only when you are honest about it. So never fake with him. They will be smart enough to evaluate.
TELL HIM HOW BEAUTIFUL HE IS
There will be many moments in a teenager’s life when they sulk about their appearance. Instead of adding to their misery and pouring the pent up frustration with them ( you may read on how to respond in http://www.upasanakapur.com/2018/12/27/give-me-24-hours/) you need to find moments to tell you child how beautiful he or she is. You need to tell him how blessed you feel for them being around. Not only will his eyes sparkle but the heart and mind be filled with FAITH in oneself. What better to have than faith on ones own abilities. Aha! What else can you gift your child? Start this early, they should hear this since childhood as a way to believe and not suddenly in teenage. In that case, you might lose their trust for not being authentic.
HUG HIM OR HER
As the child grows up, you as a parent might feel awkward in hugging you child or vice versa. You might feel he does not need it anymore as he is a grown up child. Break those shackles of doubt. Your child needs them now as much as he/ she needed then. The physical connection with you will reassure him that you care. He or she might give a baffled look, but trust you me, in hearts and hearts he loved it. How much old he gets he would still want to snuggle in you and cuddle you tight.
So what are you waiting for? Go right up to your child and tell him or her how much they mean to you. It is important for them to know that their acts do not waver your love for them. They still are the princess or prince for you. Be that ONE person in your child’s life who loves them selflessly. Be that one to give them HOPE in one’s abilities. What a place this world be with children filled with hope than doubt. Such children will be the ones who will be capable of creating magic wherever they go. So BE THAT ONE!
do share what did you do to be that one person in your child’s life to being in more love. We would love to hear and learn from each other.
About Upasana Kapur
In the teaching field from past 12 years, with each year adding to my learning curve. The love for the kids and aim to scaffold them to reach their zone of proximal development keeps me hooked to my profession. Each year, I have been involved in training my staff members and parents in areas like special education, response to intervention model and precision teaching; classroom management and devising an individualised plan for the child as per his/her needs.
The success attained by the students gives me immense peace! I aim to have happy, chirpy kids around!